The Modern World

Simple and non materialistic things are what matters the most in this life. They enrich your life in many wonderful ways. They say- ‘Love and live because you are truly blessed’ BUT when you lack financial means all of the sudden you and your family’s mental and physical wellbeing is at risk.

There are so many loving and good hearted families with no money. Love for eachother is the only thing which keeps them from giving up. Parents put on a brave face often skipping a meal in order to feed their children. They work hard, they are honest, worried and anxious about tommorow yet they manage to smile for the sake of their children.

They say-‘Live in the present moment.’ Well, that’s a great approach but when you have children you must plan ahead otherwise your children may suffer and you don’t want that to happen. I wish life was easier. It’s sad and you can only understand it when you are a parent yourself.

Why oh why the modern world is so unfair?


Do you look at other people who seem to fully enjoy their life? They appear to be articulate, they bloom with self- confidence and splatter their optimism everywhere they go. ‘It’s highly contagious- this optymistic attire’- you think to yourself. ‘I shall be more like them’- you contemplate. Accidentally, you get to know them better and surprisingly this bubble of joyful existence bursts. The magic has ended and the reality has kicked in… but why? How?

Life is made of different elements. Hence it would be simply impossible to stay high and ecstatic all the time (unless you relied on dope- which would be harmful anyway).

People who are naturally more outgoing and carry traits of an extrovert express themselves using social opportunities. These opportunities enable them to relax and unwind. They provide healthy balance for their mental wellbeing. Unsurprisingly, an introvert happily retrievs to their sanctuary doing whatever helps them to find peace within themselves again.

According to Thich Nhat Hanh (who has made my life brighter and better by assisting me in understanding the concept of it) your existence is comparable to a see-saw. In order to be able to live fully and without regrets you must be capable of welcoming positive and negative experiences in your life to create harmony. This harmony resembles a jigsaw puzzle, it’s very intricate but put together creates a unique story of your existence. The problem occurs when a person tries to erase or ignore problems. Then the jigsaw puzzle is incomplete, it inbalances you as a person and makes you feel lost and shattered. You become a snake trapped under a vase of burden with a flask by your side to numb the pain and reduce waves of oncoming fear.

Yes, I agree it’s not easy to deal with both- positivity and negativity at the same time. You can read a milion of self-help books, contemplate on the subject but you will never truly know if your see-saw is balanced until life throws at you both positive and negative experiences.

Cranberry Juice in Pregnancy World

I’m pregnant and I suffer from anxiety. I drink cranberry juice instead of gin. I do miss the mighty gin.

Two days ago I felt like my world came crushing down because I have experienced the worst anxiety and panic attack in years. It resulted for me in sobbing and weeping uncontrollably for two days. I convinced myself that my fiance would die in the car accident, that my mother would die due to the heart attack caused by long term family problems, that my father would go back to abusing alcohol and that my brother would commit suicide while being incarcerated. My head felt fuzzy, I was in a daze, it felt like something clicked in my brain and pushed me towards realms of depression. In the past, I allowed myself to slip in to deceiving arms of depression from anxiety and panic attacks periods. I know how this system works, I know how to manage my mental health, I know when and how to use coping techniques in order to not let myself suffer from depression again. It made me think though…

What if I was new to this?

What if the experience which I went through over the weekend pushed me to having a depression?

I wouldn’t know that it was a depression, I would simply deterioriate while growing a human being inside my body and struggling with all the changes that comes with it. I would feel sick and lost. I would feel demented, I would even feel suicidal. Therefore I have an appeal to make to all the pregnant ladies, partners and people in their lives:

If you feel sad, anxious, scared, lonely, defeated and afraid please talk to your doctor, family or friends.

If you feel that you’ve lost the ground under your feet please talk to your doctor, family or friends.

If you have felt down and low for a period of time and nothing makes you feel better please talk about it out loud.

We are here to listen and we don’t want you to feel that you are alone. If you feel misunderstood you have us, people who have been through shit in their life and who are not afraid to face mental health challenges.

Mental health problems are not the end of the world but the beginning of life which can be fulfilling if knowing how to manage the symptoms.

Love to you all xxx

The Invisible Wall of Harm

I am just a creature

Who can’t keep his head off the pillow

Finding comfort

From the sweat and tears of long nights

Holding on to memories

Of which were long ago

Where fear always grows

But when covered in a warm white snow

Makes no misery

Makes no fear

Makes no sense

To those who never found harm

From walking out your front door

From going to town

From talking to another one

The harm that does not exist

But feels so real

That this snow and ice

Is protection

Until it melts

And I am ready to show the world

I am a creature

I am not a man

And I hide amongst the human race

Body & Mind Triggers

You live your life fully, you think you are doing well, you have overcome so much, you are extremely proud of your strength and then baaam… one string of negative situations caused by the presence of a toxic person in your life brings you down to the very low ground. You feel, sad, lost and defeated. You have lost the joy of life and the sadness is eagerly devouring your self- confidence and self- esteem. If you could you would compare yourself to a whale who can’t swim and who is in the middle of the ocean drowning surrounded by active waves and ripples. You keep asking yourself- How does one human being can make you feel miserable? Deep inside, you know that they must be very unhappy with themselves and they simply take it out on you to make themselves feel better. You may pose as a strong person outside by responding appropriately to every situation ( because you a smart as hell) but inside you are crumbling. You are falling apart because you are unable to express yourself emotionally, you emotionally binge and stuff your innerself with feelings and when you are finally at ease e.g. at home with your loved ones you explode because you feel so sad & lost. You are scream for help by being an unhappy cluster of emotions and you forget that your loved ones are supportive, they console you, give you advice but won’t take your bullshit and they will not support your whining because they love you and care about you deeply. Focus on the positives and do everything in your power to resolve the situation with a negative person. If you can’t isolate yourself from them try to remain as much assertive as you can. Remember you are loved and you must focus on the positives because you are UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL BEING.

The Alternative

Anxiety strikes

Your mind fears the worst

Your brain allerts the body

Your body goes into emergency mode

The symptoms kicks in

You give up

Panic attack takes place


Your mind fears the worst

Your brain allerts the body

Your body goes into emergency mode

The symptoms kicks in


You bravely ignore negative thoughts

You reject the mental threats

You get up and carry on with your daily schedule as planned

In the end the symptoms subside


Intrusive Thoughts

Today, I would like to talk about intrusive thoughts.

If you have ever suffered from anxiety, depression ( maybe both) or any other mental condition you will be able to relate to what I’m about to say.

First, how would you define ‘intrusive thoughts’ ? Let me give you my definition of it. If it was possible to present intrusive thoughts in the physical form they would look like a tangled mayhem of cables (which you can see in the picture below). There are many cables and cords of different types all mixed together. They represent your thoughts about the past, present and future. As you may know, if you are under the attack of intrusive thoughts you may feel like you’re lacking of the clarity of reality. Most likely, you are experiencing the feeling of going insane. You are under this impression because your brain tries to process so many thoughts from various areas of life at the same time. They are all misleading because they show a negative outcome or a scenario. It instantly paralyses you and motivates you to have an exit plan which will falsey save you and protect you from upcoming ‘disaster’ ( which has been solely created in your mind by anxiety).

Now, let’s move on to roots and reasons behind your state of mind. You have probably experienced multiple heartache and negativity in your life. You may have been deeply affected by a traumatic event or mistreatment which hasn’t been dealt with in a way which would prevent the build up of a toxic defend mechanism. Your mind simply tries to protect you by reaching to depths of your past. It links the past with the presence and all the available information. For example, if you were neglected & bullied during your childhood, cheated on by your partner, mentally manipulated and abused you would probably feel very insecure in a healthy relationship. You would feel this way due to your past experiences provoking your anxiety and demanding misleading & false protection. In return, the anxiety would keep you constantly on high alert.

What can you do to help yourself? Ignore it. Yes, it’s simple like that. Live your life the best you can allowing negative thoughts to be. They will come and go. Don’t fight them but try to treat them as a 2 year old who is just being very unreasonable & stubborn. They will stop at some point and they will come back, especially when you face a situation in your relationship which reminds you of the matter from the past. The matter from the past went toward a completely different direction and carried some heartache.

Remember, if you feel that your anxiety becomes overwhelming preventing you from living your life ask for help.

Talk about it. Don’t keep your feelings inside. Express yourself. You are the winner not the anxiety 😊

– anya786

Life is Precious

Your life is precious. Don’t neglect it but always strive for more to improve it. Remember, improving your existence doesn’t mean to gain more of the materialistic possessions. It means to acknowledge the present moment. The present moment is

– what you hear

– what you see

– what you smell

– what you physically sense

Stop for a moment and just look around you. Notice details of objects, people and nature surrounding you. Feel the ground under your feet, if you are holding a rail on a bus think about its colour and its surface. It’s very simple. This is what we call active meditation, by actively meditating you are allowing your mind to rest for a while.

Mental Pain & Suicide

I was raised as a person who was meant to follow the path of the Roman Catholic Church. I refused to adhere to it and as a result of my decision I faced fair amount of prejudice. When I was a teenager I searched for people who would soothe my battered soul and who would understand me.
Unfortunately, I searched and I experienced faiths but I didn’t find any fairness and understanding which I was looking for.
I do believe in God because it gives me comfort but I also follow my own path of being a decent human being. I adore Buddhism and its principles and values. I’m not a Buddhist and I will never label myself as one but Buddhism has a special place in my heart. It has helped me to understand the true beauty & meaning of life. Thich Nhat Hanh is my hero.
You might be reading it and thinking – Oh well, this post suppose to be about mental pain & suicide and instead of it she is bragging about the religion.
Well, in my experience, mental pain & suicide is linked to faith ( atleast some aspects of it). It has created a stigma among people who regard themselves as true believers. Religions such as Roman Catholicism, Judaism and Islam condemn suicide threatening their followers with pain & hell after death.
Mental health is a taboo topic. It’s considered to be a shameless ailment which not taken care of may lead to suicide. Mental pain is the inseparable part of the mental health subject. Some among the readers who have experienced it may agree with me that mental pain is considerable to a serious physical wound. The mental pain paralyses your mind, it leaves you feeling low, numb, sad, in despair, and severely depressed. If I wanted to put it in simpler and more descriptive words I would say – it feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest and torn apart under the pressure which tightens your throat, your brain is being gnawed on and devoured piece by piece. It feels unbearable and it makes you tired. On the top of that you want to give up, you think that you don’t have strenght to fight anymore, you don’t want to be a burden to others and most of all YOU FEEL OUT OF CONTROL OF YOUR OWN BODY & MIND. You can’t see the way out!
All of the above mentioned reasons have their deeply embedded causes which have put you in the position of suffering. The SHIT you are in right now is only TEMPORARY.
I believe that you are brave enough and have strength within yourself to make this first baby step towards conquering the mental pain & suicide thoughts.
Don’t be ashamed of your problems, talk about them out loud. You are a unique human being who deserves to feel comfortable, and whose pain can be erased IF YOU ONLY LET OTHERS IN.
LIVE !!!

Samaritans –
(UK ) (ROI)