Dear P

Dear P,

I never thought I would experience unique love which derives from motherhood. It’s a different kind of love and is exclusively available in the Universe. We are all part of of it, creating a wholesome mosaic which consists of miniature elements.

I belong to a highly sensitive, empathetic and extremely receptive group of creatures on this Earth who cannot decide if it’s a curse or a gift to be very perceptive to feelings, sounds, smells and surroundings. My imagination runs high helping me with creativity, my anxiety often kills me with exhaustion of constant worries and my heart breaks into milion tiny pieces seeing others suffering. I mould, shape and live my life the best I can. It has been enriched by you. You are a hard work Munchkin but I would do everything to make you smile. When you had your injections, I cried with you, the nurse probably thought I was another hormonally distressed mother but I cried because you were in pain and I couldn’t stop it even though it was for your own good.

I may not be perfect and I’m a simple person but I intend to teach you empathy. I vow to show you music, nature and the Universe from my own perspective. You may not be interested in it at all but I believe experiencing it during your childhood will be a treasure in your adult life.

I want to teach you to embrace your body & mind. I would like you to be able to treat it as a temple and look after it dearly. I want you to remember that there is no other human being like you. You are the most unique, the most impressive and the most amazing copy of yourself.

I will always love you, support you and protect you no matter what because motherly love never dies.

Love,

Mama

Existence

Do you look at other people who seem to fully enjoy their life? They appear to be articulate, they bloom with self- confidence and splatter their optimism everywhere they go. ‘It’s highly contagious- this optymistic attire’- you think to yourself. ‘I shall be more like them’- you contemplate. Accidentally, you get to know them better and surprisingly this bubble of joyful existence bursts. The magic has ended and the reality has kicked in… but why? How?

Life is made of different elements. Hence it would be simply impossible to stay high and ecstatic all the time (unless you relied on dope- which would be harmful anyway).

People who are naturally more outgoing and carry traits of an extrovert express themselves using social opportunities. These opportunities enable them to relax and unwind. They provide healthy balance for their mental wellbeing. Unsurprisingly, an introvert happily retrievs to their sanctuary doing whatever helps them to find peace within themselves again.

According to Thich Nhat Hanh (who has made my life brighter and better by assisting me in understanding the concept of it) your existence is comparable to a see-saw. In order to be able to live fully and without regrets you must be capable of welcoming positive and negative experiences in your life to create harmony. This harmony resembles a jigsaw puzzle, it’s very intricate but put together creates a unique story of your existence. The problem occurs when a person tries to erase or ignore problems. Then the jigsaw puzzle is incomplete, it inbalances you as a person and makes you feel lost and shattered. You become a snake trapped under a vase of burden with a flask by your side to numb the pain and reduce waves of oncoming fear.

Yes, I agree it’s not easy to deal with both- positivity and negativity at the same time. You can read a milion of self-help books, contemplate on the subject but you will never truly know if your see-saw is balanced until life throws at you both positive and negative experiences.

Mental Cloud

When the mental cloud of being idle comes and grabs your soul making you feel worthless, miserable and unprepared for a day ahead don’t think about yourself in a negagive way. Instead pull through the day by following a list. A to do list is a simple but efficient way of putting your day in order. It doesn’t need to be written down it can stay in your head ( if it doesn’t cause you mentally too much pressure). After ticking one task off the list you will feel a sense of relief and on the top of that you will experience a wave of relaxing sensation. The relaxing sensation derives from the fact that you have made yourself occupied with something else apart from your problems. Putting it in a simpler way you’ve given your mind a well deserved break and you are experiencing benefits of it.

The hardest part of it is to get going. My advice would be : GET UP AND GO, YOU CAN DO IT.

I Can’t Fix Me

I have a problem I cannot fix

We cannot seem to move forward

Only backwards

To memories I wish were gone

And say goodbye

Good-bye

To the problems, I have no answers

To the problems I cannot fix

To the problems I cannot see

Say Goodbye

Goodbye

Say goodbye

Goodbye

To the problems, I have no answers

To the problems I cannot fix

To the problems I cannot see

Say goodbye

Goodbye

I have a problem I cannot fix

And all I see

Is myself

The Invisible Wall of Harm

I am just a creature

Who can’t keep his head off the pillow

Finding comfort

From the sweat and tears of long nights

Holding on to memories

Of which were long ago

Where fear always grows

But when covered in a warm white snow

Makes no misery

Makes no fear

Makes no sense

To those who never found harm

From walking out your front door

From going to town

From talking to another one

The harm that does not exist

But feels so real

That this snow and ice

Is protection

Until it melts

And I am ready to show the world

I am a creature

I am not a man

And I hide amongst the human race

Infected

Infected
Running through my veins
Carried all around my body

Poisoning my thought
Dismantling my mind
Infected
Shallow of mind
Sleeping just to reach tomorrow
Carrying you with me

Infected
Running through my veins
Carried through body and mind

Where I revered
Was disillusion
You’re a disease
An infection

Running through my veins
Carried through body and mind

I carry you with me
Looking for a cure
Looking for life
A life I had before

I have no cure.
I have nothing left.
You gave me everything babe
And I’m infected.

Anxious Existence After the Incident

When you live with anxiety for many years you get use to it. It becomes your partner for life. It’s not the most pleasant acquaintance of all times. I would say you treat it as a very annoying colleague from work who happens to sit next to you. You can’t get rid of them (obviously) or completely separate yourself from their presence. You just work out your own clever ways to exist alongside them leading fairly good & satisfying life ( if you’ve already learnt to appreciate it). At times, you don’t even notice them anymore. You treat them as something completely acceptable and relatively easy to deal with. Until…. until something unexpectedly unpleasant happens. You come up against the problem like a champion leaving others amazed of how well you handled the issue. You are proud of yourself but deep down you know that you are about to be kicked hard in the softest spot of your spine. Twelve hours go by and you start feeling effects of your bravery appearing out of nowhere. You would like to ask-

Why, oh why am I feeling so restless and tired?

Why is my heart beating so fast?

Why does my chest feel so tight?

Why am I anticipating the worst?

What AM I AFRAID OF?

It’s JUST anxiety- your beloved and annoying colleague from the next desk who has just decided to annoy you by their foolish behaviour AGAIN.

If you are a bigger person in this situation you will take it easy. You will take care of yourself by :

– resting

– doing something you love

– sleeping/ napping

– actively meditating

http://meditationtechniques.co/meditative-techniques-thich-nhat-hanh/

– solely focusing on yourself

– cuddling with someone you love and trust

– talking to someone about your feelings

If you naively wants to fight with anxiety by battling your mind then you are on the best way to succumb to its mentally painful trap.

Choice is yours but remember it’s better to make peace with anxiety and learn to manage its symptoms rather than waist your precious existence in the name of pointless suffering.

We are here to LISTEN.

anya786