The Avalanche of Chores

Dear Mummas,

It’s widely known that the avalanche of chores, demanding pets and a baby may cause your anxiety to thrive and flourish. We obviously don’t want that to happen!

The anxiety has been with me since childhood, I have used multiple techniques to cope with it but having an infant and two pets in the household definately makes managing anxiety more challenging.

What I’ve been doing is keeping everything under control by controlling my breathing and fleeing the chaos😎

Unsettled baby, the house being up side down, a cat running around like a headless chicken, anxiety, hopelessness and frustration rising quicky? Sounds familiar? If yes then…

STOP FOR A MOMENT

TAKE A DEEP BREATH

INHALE, EXHALE while drawing a cirle and a square with your pointing finger up in the air five times with your eyes closed (it’s a distraction method).

NOW GET UP, GET YOURSELF AND YOUR BABY DRESSED.

LEAVE THE HOUSE AND GO FOR A WALK.

THE CHORES CAN WAIT AND YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS MORE IMPORTANT than washed dishes.

Dear P

Dear P,

I never thought I would experience unique love which derives from motherhood. It’s a different kind of love and is exclusively available in the Universe. We are all part of of it, creating a wholesome mosaic which consists of miniature elements.

I belong to a highly sensitive, empathetic and extremely receptive group of creatures on this Earth who cannot decide if it’s a curse or a gift to be very perceptive to feelings, sounds, smells and surroundings. My imagination runs high helping me with creativity, my anxiety often kills me with exhaustion of constant worries and my heart breaks into milion tiny pieces seeing others suffering. I mould, shape and live my life the best I can. It has been enriched by you. You are a hard work Munchkin but I would do everything to make you smile. When you had your injections, I cried with you, the nurse probably thought I was another hormonally distressed mother but I cried because you were in pain and I couldn’t stop it even though it was for your own good.

I may not be perfect and I’m a simple person but I intend to teach you empathy. I vow to show you music, nature and the Universe from my own perspective. You may not be interested in it at all but I believe experiencing it during your childhood will be a treasure in your adult life.

I want to teach you to embrace your body & mind. I would like you to be able to treat it as a temple and look after it dearly. I want you to remember that there is no other human being like you. You are the most unique, the most impressive and the most amazing copy of yourself.

I will always love you, support you and protect you no matter what because motherly love never dies.

Love,

Mama

Mummy’s Life

You’ve always worried but when you become a parent you enter the BUSH of different type of worry- it’s constant, it’s there and it won’t leave your side.

You juggle and tackle so many bits and pieces of your newly established existence as a parent. In the end of the day, when everyone is fed, happy and entertained you feel like you’ve just climbed the the top of the Mount Everest but then you think about yourself as a person and you realise you need to do something for yourself otherwise your baby brain will continue to deteriorate. You decide to exercise. After a full day of making sure your baby is well and sound, making the new house with your partner aka Papa John John a livable space and preventing your two mentally distorted cats from killing eachother you go to excercise. Your stamina has long gone and you are left with movements and strength of a 100 years old cool gal who is mobile for her age but lacks in coordination and balance skills. Once you’ve completed the set of torment you feel EPIC. You are a physical train wreck but mentally you are rejuvenated. You embrace the flow of happy chemicals in your brain and go to the kitchen to make yet another cup of coffee. Life is wonderful and you love the chaos.

The Truth About Postpartum Period

You’ve just had your baby. You’ve been expected to return to your former glory within few weeks after giving birth but it hasn’t happened yet…. hmmmm.

While being pregnant, you imagined yourself strolling with a pram, full of energy and optimism through the town few days after birthing your baby. Currently, you are willing to invest in the IV coffee drip constantly fighting exhaustion and tiredness. You’ve got mum’s body, no energy and you know what else we could add to your newly emerging list?

POSTPARTUM RECOVERY

I’m sorry but NO ONE told you that it would be difficult. In your head, you were meant to bounce back after pregnancy survival mode and a childbirth camp like a bunny sprinkled with the morning dew drops. That did not happen. Instead:

– you bled like a slaughtered lamb

– you ached and you were bruised all over like you’ve just been in the car crash

– you wished you could pull out your insides while pooing

-you wondered about your vagina being badly grazed and swollen for days

– you fought dizzy spells and fatigue caused by hormonal havoc

– you burst into tears (you were hormonally overwhelmed ) because you convinced yourself that your cat was going blind- she fell down from the water butt while trying to climb up the window.

The physical aspects of postpartum recovery are hard enough to soften the strongest human being but the mental side caused by the immense hormonal imbalance after childbirth is equally hard. You are a new mum, you are trying to physically recover while trying to look after the newborn and you mentally struggle. You are emotionally overwhelmed and filled with joy because you love your child so much but you feel constantly worried. You are worried because you are not sure if you are looking after your baby well enough and because you are simply trying to adjust to having a new responsibility 24/7. You are also concerned about your physical well being- feeling rotten and unwell doesn’t help you in any way BUT IT’S GOING TO GET BETTER.

I’ve been through it, nobody has told me about hardships of postpartum recovery. I expected everything to go back to normal almost instantly after going through the labour of my daughter but it obviously didn’t happen. It’s been a slow and bumpy process of adjusting and accepting a new situation in my life. I love my small family consisting of my partner, our daughter and two crazy cats.

My advice to you would be to take each day as it goes, ask for help and talk about your feelings out loud. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel and look like a train wreck but make an effort to take few mints to do something just for yourself- nails, hair, long shower or a bath or simply have a nap or a cheeky drink while listening to a favourite album.

You are doing great mumma x

Initial Thoughts

It’s been almost two weeks since our baby girl was born.

It’s been a challenge to gather thoughts and categorise them.

It’s been a turbulent ride of feelings and emotions.

It’s also been a wonderful time of a unique life transformation.

It’s been, it’s been… a journey of a lifetime.

Second of all, I want to say that nobody talks about postpartum mental and physical recovery of both parents. When you are pregnant you are bombarded with information about antenatal care, you are given basic info about postantal care but nobody really goes into details. Postanatal recovery is an individual process of bonding, healing ( mentally & physically) and accepting the new reality for both parents. After few first days with my newborn the reality of having a third person in the household ( apart from our demanding feline kids) has struck me hard. I’ve realised that this little person is with us and we are responsible for her. I quitely said goodbye to undisturbed days & nights. I was instantly flooded by waves of anxiety. I questioned myself how I was going to adjust to motherhood without treating my daughter like a third wheel. I simply let those intrusive thoughts go, I took small steps trying to be present in the current moment. After almost two weeks of being a parent I have accepted my daughter as a new member of our little family. I love her so much and I admire her every single time I hold her.

My partner has been amazing, he is a pro when it comes looking after our daughter. I know that he is going to have a unique bond with her and that’s what I’ve always wanted. He suffers with chronic migraines. He pulls through them like a warrior to be present for both of us. He looks after our child and offers me his support during my hormonal breakdowns ( they’ve gotten better, my hormones have started to settle- finally).

I still tear up ( I don’t think I will ever stop) when I think about first moments when I saw and held our little jumping bean. I also reminisce about my partner’s first moments with our daughter- seeing them both together having a skin to skin contact, him smiling & being the proudest father in the whole wide world and her just cuddling up to him and looking into his eyes filled me with pure joy and contentment. She is our miracle whom we love and adore. We intend to raise her as a descent human being.

This post is really made of many scattered thoughts which are still being categorised and grouped in to a descent order. I just wanted to share my initial thoughts with you of this amazing rollercoaster parenthood ride.

A Wandering Mind of a Pregnant Woman

My mind often wonders in the most peculiar way. I contemplate about things which have taken place and possibilities which may occur. Recently, what has surprised me the most is the fact that I don’t enjoy my mother being nice and supportive towards me or rather towards her unborn grandaughter. I should be happy about her current state of mind but I’m not. It makes me angry and furious. She hasn’t been there for me when I needed her so why would I need her now!? I’ve been left to deal with the abusive marriage and ex years ago on my own. She decided to step back and focus on my ever so adoring brother and his ex partner. She wasn’t nowhere to be found? She never really took an interest in me as in an individual. I haven’t seen her for over six years and the fact that she is coming to visit my small family fills me with mixed feelings. I’ve invited her and my father to meet their grandaughter and my fiancè. I just don’t need her word of advice and support- it’s worth nothing to me. In the end of the day, she is my mother and due to the fact that she’s always relied on my mental support I put up with her.

Another thing that has occupied my mind is bullying and mistreatment of your loved ones. It doesn’t only affect a person who is directly exposed to bad treatment. It also has an effect on their loved ones who are aware of the situation but are helpless. They are helpless because they can’t do anything to change or improve the issue. They can just offer them moral and mental support and hope for the best. It hurts when you see a person who you admire, who you love and who you are always proud of feeling down and upset. If it was up to the loved ones they would certainly do something about it but maltreatment is not always obvious to a person who’s been dealing directly with the bullies.

I often wonder what causes bullying and abusive behaviour and only two things have come into my mind. The first reason is fairly simple and consists of a bully who presents a narcissistic and sociopathic nature and takes pleasure in diminishing other people’s value. The second reason behind bullying is unhappiness combined with envy. When unhappiness meets envy mistreatment arises. The newly risen mistreatment aims to compensates for bully’s own misfortune by feeding them false sense power and self-validation. It’s a very destructive behaviour which targets good hearted people making them vulnerable. Simple as that.

Eating Disorder Prior to Pregnancy

You suffered from an eating disorder in the past, you successfully conquered it and moved on with your life but fell pregnant. How would you feel about your body if it started rapidly changing, if you were loosing control over your appearance and panicking about how quickly digits on a weighing scale increase in numbers. It’s a complete, utter and heartbreaking time which suppose to be filled with happy memories.

Are you being irrational?

Yes !!!

Why?

Because everyone knows that the body of an pregnant individual goes through the hormonal storm and a physical transformation. It’s a miracle and a real test of endurance for a person who suffered from an eating disorder in the past.

You are no longer in control and the lack of it puts you down and makes you feel anxious. It’s a truly complicated and tricky situation which causes so much fear and anxiety in ones mind. You may even experience unhealthy and tempting thoughts of going back to old habits. You quickly brush them off your mind and explain yourself that it’s natural for your mind to wonder towards a maliciously tempting spiral of eating disorder due to your current situation- being pregnant.

What do you do to survive?

First of all, you are being kind to yourself by ALOWING the negative and toxic thoughts to be and float freely without dwelling on them, or worse, blaming yourself for having them. If a situation upsets you, for example, if you are weighed by your midwife talk about your feelings out loud. Express them verbally and don’t be afraid to cry and sulk in order to get all the negative emotions out of your system. You do it to prevent the accumulation of them which may lead to a relapse.

Another thing you can do is to look at the reflection of your naked body in the mirror and find five things which you like about it without comparing it to a prepregnancy perfection. For example, I have smooth skin, my breasts look gorgeous, I like the fact that my bum is firm and round, my hair looks strong and healthy, my bump has a lovely round shape etc.

By consciously enforcing positive thinking in your mind (which is filled with anxiety) you replace negative perception of your own BEAUTIFUL BODY with a positive picture of it. Your body is a strong and unique TEMPLE. Remember about it.

If you fancy you can write down little notes (self- affirmations) and stick them on the mirror or on the door of your wardrobe. Again, it works in the same way, you welcome the power of positive thinking by reading positive self affirmations.

Addictions or mental disorders don’t dissapear, they lurk in the corner of your mind waiting and hoping for you to trip over an obstacle and fall back into their stinging arms. Hence you need to be vigilant and use coping techniques to keep them at bay (at all times).

Body Image in Pregnancy

Body image is such a sensitive subject. You go through different stages in life and your body changes. I could compare it to a flower. When you are a baby you are like a bud then you pace through the mayhem of puberty and you begin to blossom. When you enter adulthood you are blooming with your uniqueness and personal beauty. You may bear scars and marks presented to you by the mighty existence but you are still exceptionally beautiful.

The individual perception of one’s appearance is another matter. You can be an astoundingly stunning lilly but in your own eyes you may look like a wilted and chewed by cats dandelion. You work on your body, you treat it as a temple by eating healthy and working out but….

What if you are physically restricted?

What if your body has been rapidly changing and you don’t have any control over it?

It’s frightening because all of the sudden you are not in control. A situation like this is comparable to being imprisoned in a box with peepholes in it. Yes, you are incarcerated in the box and carried around by the giant. You don’t have any influence on where you are going to be taken next. Is it going to be a good place or a pungent swamp? The only thing you can do is to hope for the best and enforce positive thinking about your body-image. That’s what happens during pregnancy.

During pregnancy you take part in this rapid not only physical but also mental transformation over the period of nine months. People keep telling you that you look beautiful, you are blossoming that the pregnancy suits you and you find it difficult to comprehend because in your mind it’s like telling a rotten egg that it’s a delicate rose. You are grateful for kindness and warmly hearted words but all you can see is a big fat blob and you are thinking- ‘ What on Earth has happened to my body?’. You are genuinly happy for being pregnant, you have positive feelings towards your unborn baby but you are terrified which is absolutely normal. You keep telling yourself that after pregnancy you will get your old body back and you will embrace any new stretchmark or loose skin because these are life scars which represents an important period in your life. You are a warrior. You’ve heard it from so many people around you but yet you need to give birth and experience it yourself to come to the final conclusion.