My Hero

All I want to do

Is make you proud

Shout it aloud

You’re my hero

Without you I feel like a zero

So please

Do not leave

Do not go

I am stuck in this world

With only your steps to follow

Al I want to do

Is Make you Proud

You’re my hero

Without you I feel like no one

Alone

Travelling From Manic

To Numb

So Please

Don’t Leave

Don’t Go

All I want to do

All I want

All I want

Is To Make you proud

Depression has a face

Depression has a face

A face you cannot see

You are cloaked from the world

Cuddled by darkness

Sleeping with your thoughts

Past and present

Intoxicate

Attractive thinking?

A way out

Tempting

People who should be there

Hide with someone else

Depression has a face

It is behind the smile

Do you not see?

I Can’t Fix Me

I have a problem I cannot fix

We cannot seem to move forward

Only backwards

To memories I wish were gone

And say goodbye

Good-bye

To the problems, I have no answers

To the problems I cannot fix

To the problems I cannot see

Say Goodbye

Goodbye

Say goodbye

Goodbye

To the problems, I have no answers

To the problems I cannot fix

To the problems I cannot see

Say goodbye

Goodbye

I have a problem I cannot fix

And all I see

Is myself

The Invisible Wall of Harm

I am just a creature

Who can’t keep his head off the pillow

Finding comfort

From the sweat and tears of long nights

Holding on to memories

Of which were long ago

Where fear always grows

But when covered in a warm white snow

Makes no misery

Makes no fear

Makes no sense

To those who never found harm

From walking out your front door

From going to town

From talking to another one

The harm that does not exist

But feels so real

That this snow and ice

Is protection

Until it melts

And I am ready to show the world

I am a creature

I am not a man

And I hide amongst the human race

Infected

Infected
Running through my veins
Carried all around my body

Poisoning my thought
Dismantling my mind
Infected
Shallow of mind
Sleeping just to reach tomorrow
Carrying you with me

Infected
Running through my veins
Carried through body and mind

Where I revered
Was disillusion
You’re a disease
An infection

Running through my veins
Carried through body and mind

I carry you with me
Looking for a cure
Looking for life
A life I had before

I have no cure.
I have nothing left.
You gave me everything babe
And I’m infected.

Demanding Innocence?

Violence and intrusion

A Moment of Confusion

This is the moment i feared

My Cry that you cannot hear

 

A hold you had on me

A firm and fearful grasp

You coward behind me

Beneath your dark, black mask

 

The others you saw

They wanted to run

My heart pumping away

I felt weak, like a dying sun

 

We still could not move it

We had to go back again

Your black shroud, controlling

Hurting, fellow men

 

Possessed by urge

You reached your point

Again you wanted me

Again you urged me

Again you killed me

 

The door was open

You grabbed the prize

I lie there, such horror have I seen

I wait there, for my cries to be heard

I stay there for days, haunted by you

 

I want to leave…..

Don’t Give Up – It comes, it goes, sometimes its worse than other times but at the end of the day you will get over it.

Samaritans – How we can Help

The talk of taking ones life has hit my senses more often than i can take. I feel for the families and friends of those who have experienced the loss of a loved one. What hurts the most is sometimes the simple question – Why? Why make those plans with me? Why leave me? Why didn’t i see this?

Truth is and it hurts the most to know that no one will ever know. People will say they were selfish for taking their own life but the reality of it is that they believed that the world was better of without them. They were not being selfish. They were hurting. They were blocked from happiness and anyone who calls it the easy way out does not understand the reality of living with a mental illness.

I once came close it being a statistic myself. I once believed that my existence had lost all meaning and value and that their was no reason for me. Even with a supportive Mother and Father, two loving sisters and pets that would stay awake with me long hours into the night i still couldn’t see it. I didn’t plan my attempt. It was spontaneous. Just a normal night on my own just craving someone to talk to. Craving for my partner at the time to acknowledge that i am me and i just need support. I felt no one outside of my house was there for me and that i was becoming too much of a burden for them.

Within a few months of that i was back to work. I begun building my life back. Becoming sociable again. Starting a new role at work and laughing again. That time was a dark time for me but it didn’t last forever. It was a phase and if you can get through the “phase” of the see-saw tipping too much then you can become stronger for it.

It is important to read information from the link above as they can help. I have copied some points from the article below for what you can do to help improve your mood step by step.

There are lots of things you can do to help yourself

  • Make time for yourself, relax and do things you enjoy – Don’t work yourself into the ground.
  • Eat healthily; get plenty of sleep and exercise – Junk food and alcohol are massive triggers for affecting your moods. A healthy body helps promote a healthy mind.
  • Spend time with people you love
  • Talk about your problems with people you trust – And ideally someone you know who will understand.
  • Be proud of what you’re good at, as well as aware of what you struggle with – Just because you struggle doesn’t mean you have failed. It means you are learning and trying and on a road to improvement.
  • Pay attention to what you’re feeling. – This can help you identify an anxiety trigger. Where you are, What you are doing and who you are with.

 

Don’t aim for big steps as that will only set you back. Focus on something small on move on from that. Every step forward is a big success and its okay to have the off day, we all do. But don’t lose sight of the goal. And don’t lose yourself. You don’t need to be suicidal to talk to anyone and if you see someone showing the signs you can get advice yourself. Open up before you hit a brick wall and before you know it you will understand why you feel what you feel and know that this is just like a cold. It comes, it goes, sometimes its worse than other times but at the end of the day you will get over it.