What Can Poor Mental Health Do to You?

Anxiety is a sneaky little bastard who happens to destroy you not only mentally but also physically.

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time I was 18 years old and suffered from anxiety, panic attacks and hypochondria. After counting moles on my body, reading various articles about skin cancer and dragging myself to few dermatologists I decided it was time to find something new in my body to focus on. My breasts: ta- dah !!! I found something in my breast… oh God… it was time to shift my attention to the terrifying breast cancer. The same process repeated itself: various articles, sick feeling in my throat, checking my breasts few times a day to feel the lumps… I was convinced I had few tumours… but that time was different because I had also started experiencing headaches, chest, neck, breasts and back pains…that was it… My anxiety made a decision for me… I was dying. I rushed myself to A&E in order to be examined, not only that… I demanded to be examined and I was met with ridicule. I know now that it wasn’t appropriate of doctors to make me feel like a complete and deluded freak. They didn’t show any understanding for a person who was obviously and visibly showing signs of being in poor mental health. Guess what… I was utterly ashamed of myself but it also felt like a wake up call. I sobered up immediately and told me self- ‘ What are you doing to yourself?!’ I still made an appointment to have my breasts examined- everything was fine.

The whole situation taught me an important lesson. It taught me that I was using my body as a shield to protect myself from underlying mental problems I had struggled with since childhood. I was desperately looking for a reassurance from strangers because I thought once they tell me that I’m ok all of my issues will dissapear. I had put my body under a lot of stress to the point that I was experiencing physical symptoms, such as, pain, dizziness and nausea.

Instead of focusing on my body I should have gone and seek mental help from the psychologist or psychiatrist. Please, if you are are in a similar position today don’t waste your time and contact mental help team to get support you need.

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/guides-to-support-and-services/crisis-services/crht-crisis-teams/

Body Positivity

I’m sure you’ve heard about a group of wonderful people who embrace body positivity. These lovely people who are of different body shapes and sizes are trying to change the distorted perception of beauty deeply embedded in the modern society. I’m convinced that at some in your life you wondered if you are adequate, good or beautiful enough. Maybe you’ve spent years on changing your diet and adjusting excercises to achieve the ultimate and perfect look which can be seen in miscellaneous magazines.

I adore working out myself but I have stopped killing my dear body and mental side for the sake of transformation. I was tired of seeing ‘transformation pictures’ of people who lost/ gained / maintained weight claiming that their lives have become a miracle wonderland. Have they really? How can I know that your life has changed for the better after you dropped few pounds? I can’t assess your life based on your physical appeareance because I can’t see what’s within you and your mind. You are the only person who can conclude if you are internally happy and fulfilled. I excercise and I do it for my health, body and mind. I only do it to keep it in a good condition. I consider my body to be a temple and I want that temple to look the way I want it to be. I might be overweight, underweight or I might fit within the BMI norm. It doesn’t matter, what matters is that I’m at peace with my weight, shape and size. I embrace it and I want you to try to do the same. I want you to stand in front of the mirror, get naked, look at yourself and tell yourself that you are beautiful and unique, nobody has a body or mind like yours because you are one and only, you are UNIQUE.

Body & Mind Triggers

You live your life fully, you think you are doing well, you have overcome so much, you are extremely proud of your strength and then baaam… one string of negative situations caused by the presence of a toxic person in your life brings you down to the very low ground. You feel, sad, lost and defeated. You have lost the joy of life and the sadness is eagerly devouring your self- confidence and self- esteem. If you could you would compare yourself to a whale who can’t swim and who is in the middle of the ocean drowning surrounded by active waves and ripples. You keep asking yourself- How does one human being can make you feel miserable? Deep inside, you know that they must be very unhappy with themselves and they simply take it out on you to make themselves feel better. You may pose as a strong person outside by responding appropriately to every situation ( because you a smart as hell) but inside you are crumbling. You are falling apart because you are unable to express yourself emotionally, you emotionally binge and stuff your innerself with feelings and when you are finally at ease e.g. at home with your loved ones you explode because you feel so sad & lost. You are scream for help by being an unhappy cluster of emotions and you forget that your loved ones are supportive, they console you, give you advice but won’t take your bullshit and they will not support your whining because they love you and care about you deeply. Focus on the positives and do everything in your power to resolve the situation with a negative person. If you can’t isolate yourself from them try to remain as much assertive as you can. Remember you are loved and you must focus on the positives because you are UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL BEING.

Body Image

What we see in the mirror, what we feel like and how others visually perceive us differ.

Is everyone beautiful despite their looks? What about the beauty standards?

Everyone is unique, in my opinion, there is no ugly or less attractive in general. Obviously, everyone has their own preference in regards to the physical appearance. The concept of physical appearance has been distorted by media which imposed on you ‘an acceptable’ female and male body image. Social platforms are booming with pictures, mantras and affirmations which suppose to transform your life and help you to achieve the ultimate goal which is a perfect body. That perfect body is suppose to change your life, make you happy and fulfilled. This is pure delusion to me. You know why? Because first of all you are BEAUTIFUL and UNIQUE the way you are. There is noone else like you in this world. It doesn’t matter if you are underweight, average weight or overweight as long as you take care of your health, spiritual- mental side of your being along with respecting yourself you are doing just fine. Learn to love and accept yourself because once you do it your life will become more vibrant. You know why? Because you will begin to live in peace with you and the universe.

Peace within yourself creates balance which has a huge influence on your life. It attracts the positive energy which charges your immensly powerful potential.

I believe in you !!!

Self-help

If you look at the picture above you can see a creature murdering the poor anxiety stricken head. This is ANXIETY. Anxiety strikes unexpectedly, everything can be going well and all of the sudden you become paralysed with the brutal and panicky reality of inner fear.

I want to help you to realise that you are not alone and there are few simple ways to cope with the attack.

I have listed 5 SELF- HELP rules which will help you to survive the episode of anxiety.

1. Breath- inhale and exhale – at least five times. You will instantly become overwhelmed with a sense of relief and temporary enlightenment ( Yes, I’m actually going to live) due to your brain receiving enough oxygen.

2. Take it slow. It’s easy to say… and guess what… It’s easy to do too!!! Focus on the basics, go through your daily planner and limit it to bear minimum.

3. Self-care. Limiting your plan for the day will not only take some of the stress off your shoulders but it will also allow you to REST.

  • 4. Rest. Your mind is exausted and it drags your body along putting it in a state of emergency. Sit down, lie down and breath !!! You and only you matter in this moment. If you are in the public and you can’t go home, please, follow these few little tips :
  • look around and acknowledge the present moment and the surrounding environment while breathing
  • feel your feet touching the ground (press them down on to the floor to feel your body being grounded- it will give you a sense of security)
  • tell yourself that everything is going to be fine and that the feeling of fear will pass

5. Focus. When you feel better do something which relaxes you. It can be anything from listening to music or making a peanut butter sandwich !

Remember that you are a wonderful and unique person !!!

Bullied Soul

Poor and innocent teenage soul on the verge of suicide due to lack of acceptance. It’s a simple game – if you don’t fit in you loose. Brought up Christian, escaped neutral believer and remained scarred for life. Your brain is complex, if you are blessed with exceptional perception of the world then you are gifted and cursed at the same time. Why? Because you are considered to be a Highly Sensitive Person who is not understood or recognised by common society. You are spat at with labels: “Shy”, “Queit”, “Introvert” and all you want to scream is- ” Mind your fucking business, you self labelled all mighty extrovert.” You want to breath and be yourself but you find it very hard in this shallow and constantly preying for your mistakes world. You escape to God in fear or in a clearer state of mind to Inner- Self trying to pick up the remnants of what’s left from your shattered soul. You feel so insignificant, unimportant and scared- like an asylum seeker from a 3rd world country. Your scarred, wounded, and decying soul begs for mercy. Your Inner-Self keeps you intact reminding you that the Universe holds your back. You keep going. You are resurrected over and over again. You find a shelter away from the society among those who care.

Abuse and bulliying scars for life. It’s incurable. Victims learn to live with mental scars but scars never dissapear. They only fade.

Make sure to take action if you suspect anyone who is a victim of abuse or bullying.

Prevent the loss of life or mental damage before it’s too late.

Don’t be an ignorant TWAT.

Demanding Innocence?

Violence and intrusion

A Moment of Confusion

This is the moment i feared

My Cry, you cannot hear

 

A hold you had on me

A firm and fearful grasp

You coward behind me

Beneath your dark, black mask

 

The others you saw

They wanted to run

My heart pumping away

I felt weak, like a dying sun

 

We still could not move it

We had to go back again

Your black shroud, controlling

Hurting, fellow men

 

Possessed by urge

You reached your point

Again you wanted me

Again you urged me

Again you killed me

 

The door was open

You grabbed the prize

I lie there, such horror have I seen

I wait there, for my cries to be heard

I stay there for days, haunted by you

 

I want to leave…..

Infected

Infected

Running through my veins

Carried all around my body

 

Poisoning my thought

Dismantling my mind

Infected

Shallow of mind

Sleeping just to reach tomorrow

Carrying you with me

 

Infected     

Running through my veins  

Carried through body and mind  

 

Where I revered

Was disillusion

You’re a disease

An infection

 

Running through my veins

Carried through body and mind  

 

I carry you with me

Looking for a cure

Looking for life

A life I had before

 

I have no cure.

I have nothing left.

You gave me everything babe

And I’m infected.

 

The Invisible Wall of Harm

I’m just a creature

Who can’t keep his head off the pillow

Finding comfort

From the sweat and tears of long nights

Holding on to memories

Of which were long ago

Where fear always grows

But when covered in a warm white snow

Makes no misery

Makes no fear

Makes no sense

To those who never found harm

From walking out your front door

From going to town

From talking to another body

The harm that doesn’t exist

But feels so real

That this snow and ice

Is protection

Until it melts

And I am ready to show the world

I am a creature

I am not a man

And I hide amongst the human race