Diary of a 1st Time Anxious Mum

Postpartum Body

I’m 8 months postpartum and I still have 1.5 stone to loose to be pre- pregnancy weight. I used to think that I was FAT before I got pregnant. During pregnancy I put on 5 stones. I’ve lost 3.5 stones since giving birth and I’m learning how to love my body and myself again. I’m learning that throughout my adult life I had let myself to be brainwashed which had caused me to sway from size to size like a fragile tree. When I weighed 11 stones I hated myself, when I weighed 10 stones I wasn’t good enough and when I weighed 9 stones I literally hadn’t had any breast left and felt unfeminine. I had jumped up to 12 stones ( I had eaten away stress at work) and I felt appalled with myself. I became pregnant and my weight spiralled to triumphing 17 stones. When I look at my weight and my current body armour now I’m able to come into a conclusion that I didn’t love myself back in the past. I was trying to achieve false perfection which had never been real. It was all in my head. It didn’t matter how much I weighed because I was never happy with the way I looked.

Giving birth has opened my eyes and has given me a new perspective. It’s a learning curve. I try to be healthy, I exercise, I eat well and I practise loving my body every single day. I do it for myself and my daughter. My body is a temple. I want P to have a healthy relationship with food and her own body image. I just don’t want her to go throught the same thing which I had been through in the past.

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