Pregnant Mental Chaos

When you are trying for a baby and you are first time parent you read a lot, you anticipate and imagine what’s going to be like to carry a child under your heart and give birth to them. You go through different scenarious, you even dare to think that you are strong enough to be in control of your body & mind throughout the whole pregnancy and others who can’t cope are weak attention seekers.

You do a pregnancy test and you find out that you are in fact pregnant. You are overwhelmed and overjoyed with this wonderful news. You can’t believe your own eyes so you take one, two, three, four tests to just make sure that you are REALLY pregnant. You find a group of women on the internet who advise you that it’s best to control the raising level of pregnancy hormone by purchasing three digital pregnancy tests. You do it without any hesitation and do a pregnancy test every week in hope to see ‘3+’ on its display. When you finally see it new symptoms and worries kick in. You fight with tiredness, fatigue, dizinness, nausea and anxiety.

You ask yourself-

What have I put myself into?

Is my child developing well?

What if there is something wrong with the baby and I will find out about it during my 12 week scan.

How am I going to cope at work?

You pull through all this and finally have a 12 week scan, you are filled with questions, excitement, joy and fear. You see your baby on the screen, hear the sonographer saying- ‘Everything looks ok’ and you think- ‘Well, now it must be going to be fine.’ Weeks fly by, you deal with horrendous backache combined with on and off spotting. You become a frequent visitor of A&E and later antenatal department at your local hospital. The fact that you are rhesus negative doesn’t help because you require anti d injections to prevent a serological conflict everytime you bleed.

You are 16 weeks pregnant and discover that you are carrying a baby girl. You are surprised but happy about it. The symptoms subside and you begin to enjoy the pregnancy. You have more energy and the fact that you’ve just started feeling little kicks makes you the happiest person in the world. The 20 week scan comes, again, you deal with a great ammount of fear mixed with joy and anticipation. The scan takes around 40 minutes to complete and you are relieved to hear that the baby is doing absolutely fine.

At around 24 weeks pregnancy your sister from another mother abandones you and you make a sober decision that it’s best to cut her out of your life because she’s a very self- centered person who only looks after herself and expects others to do it so. On the top of that you begin to experience unpleasant symptoms which left you when you were 14 weeks pregnant. Nausea, fatigue, dizziness and pain welcome back to my twisted world. The only thing which makes you happy is feeling your little girl boxing you from inside.

Your fiánce has been supporting you since the beginning. He is very loving and understanding. You feel like the biggest miserable cow but he still makes you feel attractive and good about yourself. You are are immensely gratful for his ongoing support which prompts you to be very excited about growing your family with him because you love him so much. He is your partner for life and you are looking forward to growing old with him and being one of those cool old couples which melt your heart.

When you are 32 weeks pregnant it finally hits you that you are going to become a parent to a little girl who loves punching you and stretching inside your belly very, very soon. You love her so much already….

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