The talk of taking ones life has hit my senses more often than i can take. I feel for the families and friends of those who have experienced the loss of a loved one. What hurts the most is sometimes the simple question – Why? Why make those plans with me? Why leave me? Why didn’t i see this?
Truth is and it hurts the most to know that no one will ever know. People will say they were selfish for taking their own life but the reality of it is that they believed that the world was better of without them. They were not being selfish. They were hurting. They were blocked from happiness and anyone who calls it the easy way out does not understand the reality of living with a mental illness.
I once came close it being a statistic myself. I once believed that my existence had lost all meaning and value and that their was no reason for me. Even with a supportive Mother and Father, two loving sisters and pets that would stay awake with me long hours into the night i still couldn’t see it. I didn’t plan my attempt. It was spontaneous. Just a normal night on my own just craving someone to talk to. Craving for my partner at the time to acknowledge that i am me and i just need support. I felt no one outside of my house was there for me and that i was becoming too much of a burden for them.
Within a few months of that i was back to work. I begun building my life back. Becoming sociable again. Starting a new role at work and laughing again. That time was a dark time for me but it didn’t last forever. It was a phase and if you can get through the “phase” of the see-saw tipping too much then you can become stronger for it.
It is important to read information from the link above as they can help. I have copied some points from the article below for what you can do to help improve your mood step by step.
There are lots of things you can do to help yourself
- Make time for yourself, relax and do things you enjoy – Don’t work yourself into the ground.
- Eat healthily; get plenty of sleep and exercise – Junk food and alcohol are massive triggers for affecting your moods. A healthy body helps promote a healthy mind.
- Spend time with people you love
- Talk about your problems with people you trust – And ideally someone you know who will understand.
- Be proud of what you’re good at, as well as aware of what you struggle with – Just because you struggle doesn’t mean you have failed. It means you are learning and trying and on a road to improvement.
- Pay attention to what you’re feeling. – This can help you identify an anxiety trigger. Where you are, What you are doing and who you are with.
Don’t aim for big steps as that will only set you back. Focus on something small on move on from that. Every step forward is a big success and its okay to have the off day, we all do. But don’t lose sight of the goal. And don’t lose yourself. You don’t need to be suicidal to talk to anyone and if you see someone showing the signs you can get advice yourself. Open up before you hit a brick wall and before you know it you will understand why you feel what you feel and know that this is just like a cold. It comes, it goes, sometimes its worse than other times but at the end of the day you will get over it.